freedomduck (freedomduck) wrote,


I suppose it's time to write more. Some time has passed and this journal ought to progress if it is going to remain a journal.

I have been thinking a little bit about the permanence of relationships. With my marriage, I have always told my wife that the door was always open. In my way of thinking, having a long personal history of jealousy, this was what progress meant - and the door was in fact always open. My wife never left, and she never shared my personal views on making progress against jealousy. She is a very jealous person, and she cherishes her jealousy. Only once, and very recently, she questioned one of her jealous outbursts. In her way of thinking, the others were all justified. If I'm honest, some of the other ones really were justified.

today I'm thinking about my child and myself as a father. I am writing a short story at the moment, and in the story, written from a child's perspective, there is a table filled with men who smoke and drink and talk all day. I realized that I actually have a fear of approaching people when they are sitting at tables. The act of finding a chair and entering the conversation feels like too much for me sometimes. I have some theories about why this is, and some of these ideas are important in the story.

My baby will always be welcome at the table.
Tags: babies, fatherhood, jealousy, marriage, pregnant, relationships, writing
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